Part 5

Let me lay it down for you like this; I don’t screen cap and chronicle every little thing Grom does. If I did, this part of the story would have taken about three times as long to get through, and there would be entire updates dedicated to just his wonderings in the wilderness, and I’m (fairly) certain no one wants to read a 2 page post that just says “Grom found and picked some flowers, then a wolf showed up and Grom had to kill it” over and over again.

Where am I going with this you ask? Well, sometime after Grom left cloud ruler Temple and before he arrived back in Burma three things happened. Firstly, he found a small cave and in it a new axe, secondly, he entered and subsequently closed a second Oblivion Gate, and lastly he (and I) figured out that if you rub the oblivion stones on weapons (and maybe armor I don’t know since Grom is only wearing those robes) you can enchant them.

Why is this important? Well, Grom is now sporting new gear and some of you might pick up on that. Why did I omit such important details? The thing is I wanted Grom to leave Burma and actually start his own story, and I didn’t realize until now that when I omitted all the faffing about I did in Burma it happened to include the acquisition of two new weapons. In closing I’m worry for the mistake and I’ll try not to screw that crap up in the future.

Whew, anyway southward! TO ADVENTURE!


”Grom Xited!”

The first place of interest Grom comes across on his journey south is a, and I quote “Wood Door to Toadstool Hollow”. The reason I bring this up will become apparent all too soon.


”Gron wunder wat behind door”

Toadstool Hollow is a very strange place. Firstly, aside from the entrance/exit, Toadstool Hollow has no doors has multiple floors that only seem to be reachable via holes in the floor. Grom having no real concern for his personal safety when it comes to environmental hazards, happily leaps down them in explore this place further.


”Grom am spelunker”

The second thing I find strange about this place is that aside from standard cave dwellers like zombies and rats there are also mud crabs here. The reason this is odd should be obvious, but let me explain just to be sure. They are MUD crabs. Mud crabs would, to me at least, mean they live in the mud. Seeing as how this is a CAVE and the cave is MILES away from any water I find it strange that mud crabs are in this place. Grom however, doesn’t seem to mind.


”Meh, they are die same.”<./center>

For a little while after leaving Toadstool Hollow, the sky turns an ominous red color.

”oooh pretty”

I think it has something to do with the oblivion gate close by. Grom don’t you think we should go investigate that?

“No”

What? Why not? Surely closing the gate can only have good repercussions, and I know that you’ll get another of those shiny hell rocks if you go there. Plus there’s adventure to be had!

“Grom go south, SOUTH TO ADVENTURE”

Oh my god I’ve created a monster. A monster that only wants to go south, will you stop for anything that isn’t directly south of you?

“Maybe, Grom see”

Fantastic. Well, a little further south Grom comes across a marauder camp. With a few swings from his mighty axe he easily dispatches the camp’s residents. After adhering to the age old RPG adage of “swipe anything remotely of value from the dead, they don’t need it. They’re dead!” Grom (finally) makes some changes to his outfit.

”Grom have both comfort and protection now”

You’re wearing that? I guess in order to understand these wardrobe choices; you have to think like Grom does.

(click to get the joke)
”That about right”

Well, with a good night’s sleep and a new change of clothes, Grom continues his journey south. After a day or so of walking, Grom finds himself at a familiar location, the Imperial City.

Next Time, Part 6: This part didn’t happen

The Story of Grom Part 4

So Grom ventures back to the priory with Brother Martin in tow. As he reaches the priory, he finds that it’s under attack! After dispatching some assassins, Grom finds Jauffre in the chapel after informing Grom that the amulet of kings is stolen, Jauffre tell Grom that he must escort them to:

”Grom HATE RUNNING!”

But Grom needn’t worry for long, because there’s a free horse outside!

“oooh, ooh, Grom want name pony!”

What name do you have in mind?

“Dinner later”

Dinner later? How about something more horse appropriate? Like Clip-clop, or Mr. Neigh-neigh.

“Grom no want eat clip-clop Grom want eat dinner later.”

Ok, eww, let’s just ride north shall we? After a long and perilous ride north

”Pretty”

Fine, maybe it’s not that perilous. It’s actually quite boring. Which is another problem I have with this game; the outside world is BORING on horseback. Sure, riding a horse increases your travel time, but now you can’t train athletics (another of Grom’s main skills) by running, or stop and eat flowers. Well, I suppose that you could stop and eat them but it would require you getting off of your horse about every 15 feet, making the horse not at all worth it.

But with all the teleporting, and horse travel, I get the feeling that bethesda’s motto with this game was: “We made a massive, beautiful game world. Now ignore the crap out of it.” I know that morrowind had, silt-striders, and boats, and teleporting via the mages guild, but those were primarily for going from city to city. And they were justified. This teleporting business is just a game feature. Which gets even more frustrating when you take into account the fact that this is a game world with excessive magic, they couldn’t just give you a teleporting stone?

Well, enough of that. Besides, we’ve already reached the temple where Jauffre has an important offer for Grom:

”No”

What? Come ON Grom, this is obviously the main story quest, why aren’t you going to do it?

“They make Grom run all the time, and make Grom take people all over. Grom not taxi.”

Well if you’re not going to do the main story, what are you going to do?

”Grom am having idea”

Oh that’s just great, get completely hammered, and start a bar brawl. Surprisingly, Grom doesn’t get into a bar fight, now this isn’t because of another problem I have with the game so much as it is a compatibility issue between Grom’s character and the world of Tamreil. You see, in Morrowind your character was an outsider and therefore, he/ she was constantly hassled by the citizens, and guards of most towns. Grom being a violent drunk doesn’t take very well to threats and insults so it made perfect sense for him to get all liquored up an slay a whole town. However, people are quite polite in Tamreil. This means Grom is provoked less, which means he gets in less fights, which means he’s quite bored. Of course, it could just be the people in burma. How about we explore this land, in search of a place more fitting for you.

“Grom like adventure”

Next time: “Southward! To Adventure!”


Hey Grom, where’s your horse at?

The story of Grom Part 3

Grom, frothing at the mouth with wild bloodlust, recklessly charged into the clearly demonic gate. The guards nearby try to tell him that this is a gate to oblivion, the daedra home world, but Grom doesn’t care, seeing as how the only things coming out of this literal gate to hell are small, easily killable scamps.

“Grom kill tiny pant-less man”

Grom is approached by a guard who seems to have entered the gate, he mentions something about his friends being killed and that one of them may still be alive, and it’s up to us to save him.

“Grom no have time to listen”

I try to pay attention, but Grom goes charging off towards some huge, evil, tower. He discovers a fountain of blood and drinks from it.

”Blood good.”

I find this act to be terribly unsanitary; I mean drinking blood from your enemies is bad enough, but drinking strange blood, pouring from a fountain in HELL? That can’t possibly be good for you. Strangely enough, the blood does heal his wounds. Atop a tall spire, connected to a second tower Grom meets a Dremora Sigil Keeper, the dremora has this to say:

“Grom Flesh Belong to GROM!”

After Grom “axes a question” to the sigil keeper in regards to how one would close the gate Grom finds a shiny rock in the highest part of the tower, after claming the stone as his, the entire tower erupts into a massive fireball.

“GROM BURNINGING!”

And after a flash of bright, white light, Grom is outside the gate to Kvatch. While exploring the ravaged city Grom FINALLY finds a bed to rest in.

”Grom sleepy”

And for the first time since being broken out of prison, scouring a goblin infested forgotten cavern, running for several miles, and a brief trip to hell, Grom has a chance to rest. He also, has a chance to write in his journal.

From the Journal of Grom:

“Deer gournil, it busy day for Grom. Other prisoner make fun of Grom again. NO ONE MAKE FUN OF GROM! GROM WILL HAVE REVENGE! Then emp- imp- king guy let Grom out of jail. Grom try get revenge but other prisoner not there, this make Grom sad. Grom decide to take shiny rock to king guy friend jeff. It long trip. Grom run long time. Then Jeff tell Grom run mor! But Grom not want run mor. Grom have nothing better to do, so Grom run. Grom find shiney door and gets to kill many tiny naked men. Grom like killing, then Grom find shiny rock. Grom like shiny rock. It busy day for Grom.”

After a good, long, rest Grom wakes up and wonders around town some more, and finally meets Brother Martin, and well, just look.

”Aww Grom just come from there”

While on the way out of Kvatch, the captain of the guard tells Grom that the city still needs help being cleared of monsters but Grom just wants to get these agonizingly long fetch quests out of the way so he can finally make a god damn choice about what to do next. He’d choose to abandon this situation now, but some jerk won’t stop following him.

Next Time:

“Dinner later & The frozen North”

The Story of Grom: Part 2

Now that he’s out in the sweet, sweet air, it’s time to go back to prison, Grom is going to find that jackass, son of a bitch that gave him crap while he was in prison and “finish his conversation”. I find it odd that the first thing Grom wants to do after being broken out of jail by the emperor is go back to prison. I know that if the EMPERIAL PRISON is staffed by guards that are even remotely qualified, they’ll notice that Grom is not in jail and probably make sure to rectify that. Or more importantly, they’ll already be looking for him.

You see I’m a security guard (really) but I don’t work at a prison, so let me lay down the events that happened as I would see them from a guard’s perspective.

1) Due to a clerical mix-up a dangerous (and in Grom’s case deranged) criminal is placed in a cell that should never be occupied.
As a guard in the EMPERIAL PRISON I figure I’m not just some moron so a day or two after he’s placed in that cell I have the following conversation with my superior:

Me: “Um, boss? Can I have a word with you?”

Boss: “Sure, what’s on your mind?”

Me: “You know that cell? The one that’s supposed to remain empty by decree of the emperor, there’s a prisoner in there.”

Boss: “Yea, and?”

Me: “Well I figure an imperial decree is pretty important, and we should adhere to it. If we don’t have any other empty cells, why don’t we just make him share a cell with another prisoner? Put two beds in there and all that?”

Boss: “I don’t get paid enough for that, and I’m not risking any more guards to move that manic. Do you know how much trouble it was just to get him in there? It took six pairs of shackles and 3 wizards constantly draining his fatigue just to get him calm enough to move in there, and he still bit 2 guys! That decree is as old as this prison and no one even knows why it’s on the books. Unless I hear something from the warden or the emperor himself, that guy is going to rot in that cell for all I care”

Of course, that explanation only makes sense for Grom. Try applying it to your character and see if it fits. If your character was a nicer person who spent the entire game helping the poor and smiting evil, one even wonders why he was in prison to begin with. Which brings me to the first problem I have with oblivion, why does my character have to be an ex-con, and an escaped ex-con at that? Why can’t I just be a commoner born under a special sign that the emperor needs to see? I’m just saying it’s hard to justify being a good guy, if your journey starts out with you being broken out of prison (I think there’s some subtle social commentary there, but I’m too lazy to analyze it). Ok, where was I? Oh right, yes, the day’s events. Let’s continue.
2) The emperor and his elite guards demand to be allowed admittance to the dungeon (assuming that the EMPERIAL PRISON is fairly large and has multiple dungeons they are going to the dungeon where the cell that is supposed to remain empty by royal decree is located) and say that no one may escort them. They then disappear for an hour. This is more than enough time for the guards to have heard about the emperor’s sons being assassinated and one could easily surmise that the emperor is either hiding in that cell or it’s not an ordinary cell.
Continuing on the vain that the guards here aren’t complete IDIOTS, should all know that the aforementioned cell is supposed to remain empty, and by now should know that there is a prisoner in there, No one bothers to check the cell after an hour or so passes? I’d check that cell after about 15 minutes. Remember, there’s a violent, dangerous criminal in that cell and my emperor just went there. When I discover that the emperor, his guards, and the manic prisoner have all DISSAPEARED I’d tell my boss who would probably alert the town guard, and the whole city would be looking for this psychopath. With that said, let’s see what happens when Grom goes into the prison.

“Grom get REVENGE!”

Nothing happens! This totally blows, Grom just walks up to the head guard and asks to see a prisoner, and no one wants to put him back in jail! This is total bull. The only dungeon that they have has 5 unoccupied cells and one prisoner, who isn’t the same guy from before, raising even more questions about the prison’s design.



No, Grom no get revenge.

“Grom sad”


“Ale make Grom feel better.”

While drunkenly stumbling in the direction of Weynon priory, Grom starts picking flowers.


“ooh, pretty”

Personally, I like alchemy, It’s one of Grom’s main skills I like it so much. It’s hard to justify making Grom an alchemist so it seems like meta-gaming, but observe my mad rationalization skills; Grom isn’t an alchemist because he studies alchemy, he’s an alchemist because he eats anything remotely edible he finds on the ground, this reveals the magical effects of the items on the body, thus increasing Grom’s knowledge of magical effects of food and other “edibles”, thus increasing Grom’s knowledge of alchemy, so there. Also, flowers are pretty.

By the time he arrives at the priory, Grom’s already sobered up, it took him that long to run there. By he meets Jauffre and gives him the amulet. Jauffre in turn tells Grom to go to kvatch and find brother martin. The prospect of more running is not making Grom happy, but he decides to do it, because he still has nothing better to do. You know Grom, we can just teleport there.




What? Why not? It’s instant travel, no more running!

“Magic walking take Grom soul.”

That’s complete bullsh-

“MAGIC WALKING TAKE GROM SOUL!”

Fine! Whatever, I guess Grom’s just going to have to run everywhere.


“Grom Sleepy”

It appears that Grom has leveled up. Killing hostile wildlife, eating anything you come across, and constantly running will do that I suppose. However, this does bring me to my second problem with oblivion; why can’t I rest outside? From a game balance perspective it makes a little sense I mean in morrowind I used to just find a safe spot while in a dungeon and rest all my Hp back. But this is easily fixable by just removing Hp gain from resting while outside and keep it if you rest in a bed. To remove resting outside of towns seems like the developers just wanted players to rest in towns and buy houses. It’s a cop-out and a stupid one at that. Anyway, He arrives at Kvatch and, things are looking pretty Grim.


“ooh Glowy”

Grom, before you charge wildly through that demonic looking portal, don’t you think we should talk to those guards first? You know, find out what’s going on?


Next Time:
Part 3: “The door to oblivion” or “To sleep, perchance to dream”.

The Story of Grom: Preface & Part 1

My Life in Tamriel: The Story of Grom
Preface

I’ve been reading a lot of those “let’s play” Chronoblog articles lately, you know the ones where some one plays through a game and tells a story about the character they made and the world he/she lives in? Well, I’ve decided to do my own. However, before I can get into it I need to tell you a little about the character I’m going to use.



You see, Grom is a legacy character. A lot of Role Player’s have them, characters that they play whenever they get the chance, and Grom is mine. I first made Grom for a long D&D campaign way back in high school. Then he was just a frothing, crazy, half-orc Barbarian. He did have some quirks, like his massive greed, lust for violence, and near limitless cowardice whenever he was faced anything more powerful than a strong breeze. Over the course of that campaign, I grew to love the insane little bastard and would relish any opportunity I had to play as him. However, GM duties fell to me. So, I didn’t get to break out the Grom character for a while. That is until a little game called Morrowind.
The Morrowind Grom was much like his D&D counterpart however, due to a fun little item and skill combo I noticed (Sujamma for strength bonus, and Orc’s berserk fortifying attack) Grom picked up a very, very severe, drinking problem (problem for the guards that is). His story ended in Mournhold, where, drunk on about 50 bottles of sujamma, He picked up the legendary hammer in the epic weapons museum and broke it on a high guard’s face (he died). Grom was killed moments later in that museum by about 7 of that high-guard’s friends (gang beating bastards, if that hammer hadn’t broke I’d have killed every last one of them.). However, since oblivion’s story starts you out in jail; with a little ret-con action, and a dash of timeline ignorance, the story of Grom continues.

Now, before I start I want to lay down some ground rules.

1) All quest and story-based decisions are going to be made in character. If the game’s trying to get me to do a quest, Grom doesn’t want to do it’s not getting done.

2) I’m only going to go berserk if prompted, and while in berserk I can only punch (I’m jacked up and crazy, it just makes the most sense.)

3) NO INSTANT TRAVEL Grom can’t teleport, period.

4) All verbal threats from NPC’s will be met with murder, unless said NPC is noticeably stronger than Grom. He is a massive coward mind you.

5) Lastly, and probably most importantly, I’ll try to update this Monday, Wednesday, Friday.

Now without further ado, Let us begin the Story of Grom.

My Life in Tamriel: The Story of Grom
Part 1

After my “incident” in mounhold I’m arrested and sentenced to execution. Then for some strange reason I’m transferred to a different prison, orders of some emperor or other, I’m transferred from Mournhold to Tamriel and placed in the last solitary cell in the imperial prison, I take my rage out on a nearby cup.


“Take that, Pottery!”

There’s a really, really irritating man in the cell across the way, he’s lucky there’s two iron gates between us or I swear I’d beat his face to a pulp



“I swear, if I ever get out of here, I’m going to kill you so MUCH”

You’ll never believe what happened next, the EMPEROR himself, comes into my cell. The man responsible for my imprisonment (ok, technically the theft and destruction of legendary weapons and murder of a high guard is responsible for my imprisonment, but he’s responsible for my imprisonment here.) and is he ever dead. He says that I’m the one he’s seen in his dreams (this explains the transfer) he proceeds to tell me that why I’m in prison isn’t important and that, well I’ll let him say it.


“What, WHAT?!?”

Doesn’t matter, DOESN’T MATTER?!?! I BLATANTLY STOLE A LEGENDARILY HEAVY HAMMER IN BROAD DAYLIGHT AND USED IT TO KILL A HIGH GUARD! IT’S THE GREATEST THING I’VE EVER ACHIEVED! I’m going to kill you old man, the second you shut up long enough for me to do something I’m going to punch your octogenarian face in! I guess he’s trying to escape some assassins and get out of the city through a secret tunnel in my cell. He may be trying the escape assassins but he’ll never escape the wrath of GROM!


“GRRRRAAAAAHH”

Ok, so apparently his elite body guards will stab me if I try to beat the emperor to death


“…jerks”

This…didn’t go to well, so I guess I should try this again and maybe not try and kill the emperor.

My Life in Tamriel: The Story of Grom
Part 1 Take 2

Ok, so this is the only time I’m going to do that. Die and reload I mean (and use it in the story anyway). But I guess ending the story about a minute into the game does not a compelling tale make. So, picking up from where we left off, that old bastard gets to live another day, after a brief skirmish with some assassins I manage to loot a neat sword and some pretty snazzy robes.


“Sweet threads right?”

I’d use the sword, but axes are more my bag. So until I find one, I’m going to have to fist all my enemies into submission. Those Assholes just left me in this dungeon! But luckily a small passageway opened up and some rats come out. These aren’t the cute rats or the scared rats these are the bitey rats. A few punches and the rats die, now I’m free to explore this ancient cavern underneath the city hidden from the citizens for ages, I find a chest with 6 gold and an axe.


“Now we’re talking”

Who left these here? I mean this is a forgotten cavern in a secret emergency passageway and someone just left a chest with 6 gold and an axe lying around? Well, I find a particularly hostile goblin, and after some murder (I probably stole his axe), I find some armor. It’s rusty iron, so in addition to being rather ugly, it also has a chance of giving me tetanus? I don’t think so; I’m sticking with the robes until I find something better looking. After exploring the cavern for some time, I come across a particularly interesting sight.


“Well what do we have here?”

I guess these goblins are underground rat farmers. It’s the only explanation for why these rats are caged up, that or they’ve decided to start some kind of rat circus. After slaying the goblin leader, I run into the king and his guards again. The old man asks me what sign I was born under, and I tell him (It was warrior in case you’re wondering) they invite me to hang out with them for a little bit, and I am told to guard the emperor. Boy I’m moving up! I went from prisoner to royal bodyguard in one day! He tells me to take his amulet to some guy named Jaoufree. Well I have nothing better to do right now so, sure I’ll run your little errand. He’s promptly slain by assassins then some guy starts asking me what my skill set is. I tell him I’m a drunk and a murderer and he tells me to do what the emperor told me to do. And makes me run through the sewers to escape the city.


“Ahh sweet freedom”

Now that I’m done with the tutorial I’m going to get fully into character.

It bright outside, Grom happy to no more be in prison. Me think that I should take the amulet to where the old man told me to go. But Grom want to sell all the heavy things I find in the dark place. Grom go to town and buy shiny new axe.


“Grom like new axe”

Grom now ready to go….but then Grom remember that little squishy man who made fun of Grom while he in jail. Well, Grom not in jail now, and Grom know where squishy man is, No one make fun of Grom and live! NO ONE!

Next Time: Part 2: Jailhouse Blues